I guess that because we are made of flesh,we tend, as human being, to think about physical health first. I believe that there is a strong, if not huge, mind-body connection and that what we think and how we feel influence greatly what happens on our physical plane. Self-Care is an inside job.
What comes first? The chicken…
or the egg?
Are the thoughts managing our emotions or our emotions dictating our thoughts? Does this work both ways? Whatever the process is, we are still the one to be accountable when it comes to creating the reality we put ourselves in. I tend to think the mental (i.e. the thought) is the one tricking us into associating a specific emotion with a circumstance, but who knows? Still, the emotion remains. Fortunately, we can utilize the emotion of love to be able to care better about ourselves.
This is why we can really tackle Self-Care in all its beauty when, and only when, we are in Self-Acceptance and Self-Love mode. Otherwise we will be able to keep certain routines for a while but we will easily fall back into the old habits as fear predominates. If love is the main player, self-acceptance will be there and then self-Care will become a long lasting lifestyle. If you add presence, you will even turn these routines into rituals.
Some emotions might come to the surface every time we live a similar situation in the present moment that triggered some specific reactions and emotions in the past. As children, we have interpreted some events in a way that served us. Oftentimes, it was our only way to understand and conceptualize what was going on in our lives. It may have been a defense mechanism, a way to emotionally survive. As adults, we may not have revisited these events and reasons to evaluate if they still are of service to us. When they are no longer serving us, they are hurting us… and probably others as well.
When will we know what needs to be changed? It starts when we have inner conflict, when we get irritated, annoyed, impatient, angry, sad, tensed, anxious, depressed, and the list can go on and on. Any negative emotion is here to teach us and by the same token, if we accept the challenge, help us grow. This is when we need to make time to reassess the needs from the past, versus the ones form the present, forgive, let go and create a new paradigm for who we are as adults.
EASIER SAID THAN DONE
Some of those ah-hah moments can come so quickly that we are able to resolve them easily. Others, well, may linger for a longer time. This is mostly because we are not ready to look at it in the eyes. We unconsciously know the truth will be difficult to hear. Chances are we think it will create a lot of movement in our lives and the fear factor create paralysis.
As mentioned above we may have had circumstances in our childhood where we came to the conclusion that we were not enough. This happens a lot. We may have felt abandoned, rejected, humiliated, treated unfairly, or betrayed. If we have not felt loved it is hard to turn around and accept ourselves.
As we age, we accumulate experiences that leave emotional scars. We can also feel the transformation in our physique, or see our limitations, the real ones and the ones we create for ourselves. This can initiate a cycle of non acceptance.
As a child, I wanted so badly to have my mother’s love and affection that I would have done anything for her in exchange for some positive attention. Nowadays, I have dealt with most issues related to this fact. I can attest though that, for the longest time, I was not able to say no, I easily felt guilty, I went overboard and overdid it a lot in order to get some attention and love.
For those of you who know me, you will not be surprised to learn that in these circumstances, this is where my essential oils come into play. If I had to make an essential oil kit for someone who is ready to embark on a self transformational journey into emotional health, bergamot would be the first one in. This is the oil of self acceptance. It is said to relieve feelings of despair, self-judgment and low self esteem, and to have a cleansing effect on stagnant feelings and limited belief systems.
There are multiple facets of personal growth and some other oils as well as some other tools, professional help are worth exploring too. Journaling is also an amazing way to bring up to the surface those emotions we need to deal with. There are many more ways we can open our hearts to all of this. Each person has a different experience and each of us has the key to find what works. When we are ready and open to transformation, the solutions will come easily and effortlessly. Still, it starts with love.
When feeling unworthy of love you can add a few drops of bergamot in your hand, take some deep breaths and use an affirmation you create (a positive statement made in the present tense, or as if it had already happened) and say something similar to these two examples:
• I love and accept myself unconditionally and this self love radiates out my entire being and manifests as proper self-care.
• I am opening my heart more to give and receive love.
As you consciously give yourself time to do this daily, observe how things start to shift in the direction you need. Even when things do not seems to be going where you want to go, be open to the lessons and messages Life is sending you, and trust that the universe or God, that higher power however your beliefs are, has a grand plan for you living the life you were meant to live.